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sendthembackKeith and Rachel talk archival. Keith asks questions. Stephen pretends to be jealous.
Words required: 35,007
Words achieved: 36,516
Words of today: 1,837
"Am I coming with you?" Keith asks.
"If you want."
Rachel looks briefly around for Stephen, but both he and the family with the Felicity doll have disappeared. She shrugs and then turns back toward the escalator, Keith following close behind, silent the whole way down and back through the Purple Explosion Room.
It's colder than Rachel remembered outside and she wraps her arms around her chest, adjusting the bag on her shoulder and staring out across the street.
"So, what's Samantha thinking about now?" Keith asks once they've stepped a few feet away from the door. Rachel scuffs the toes of her sneakers against the pavement as she considers Keith's question. She looks up at him and then down again, speaking at her shoes.
"She's wondering if maybe she should have become 'archived' herself when she had the chance."
"And what exactly does that mean?"
Rachel frowns, looking up again. She shifts her bag around again, though more to buy herself time than to actually alleviate any discomfort. "We could have gotten married, I guess, bit the bullet and made it into something official. Maybe it would have helped."
Keith returns Rachel's frown. He has three different questions he immediately wants to ask and he isn't sure which one he should try first. Finally, he just goes with, "Do you actually think it would have helped?"
"I don't know," Rachel answers. "It doesn't help a lot of people. Whether a marriage is open or closed or some other weird option, it still only lasts half of the time, regardless of the contract and the official rubber stamp. After enough time goes by, 'marriage' really is just a word, something to call a relationship, to try to define it in some different way. The relationship still is the real thing, though, underneath it all. That's what is actually going on, not the word."
"And it's really just a word?"
"To some people, yeah."
"But what about to you?" Keith asks. "Forget everybody else. What do you think?"
Rachel shakes her head. "I don't really know what I'm talking about. I'd like to say that marriage would have been was words on a sheet of paper, and maybe that's even what I believe. I'm not even sure why I brought it up. It's not like having everyone else's approval, having some sort of official way to describe what Susan and I had would have actually changed anything on the inside."
"But you wish it would?" Keith asks.
Rachel shrugs. "It wouldn't really matter, though, would it, no matter what I wished? And we weren't married, so what's the point?"
"I don't know." Keith almost laughs. "You're the one thinking about it, about archiving yourself."
Rachel doesn't know what to say. She drags her feet across the sidewalk again, watching the cars pass on the street.
"Did you want to get married?" Keith finally asks.
"Sometimes," Rachel answers. "Like I said, I wanted to be with her, and I wanted it to be forever, but, well, you know how I feel. I'm just... I'm really just looking for excuses, I guess, looking for things to feel guilty about."
Keith slowly nods. "Then, did she want to married?"
Rachel laughs this time. "No, not at all." She takes a breath. "Or maybe she did at one point, but by the time we were talking about it, it was already too late."
"What do you mean?" Then, he members something. His brow compacts and his mouth opens and then closes again. "Can I ask you something that may annoy you?"
"Sure," Rachel snorts. "You've never censored yourself for that reason before."
"Well, yes, but... You remember that party you had right after you got your show?"
Rachel smiles. "Yeah. That was a good party."
"It was," Keith nods. "But, I... Well, so, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop..."
Rachel raises an eyebrow.
"I came into the house at one point, looking for the bathroom, I think. You and Susan were talking on the couch about something, and she didn't seem very happy with it or interested in talking about it. She said something about 'not now' and then I realized I was being an ass and stopped listening."
Rachel sighs. "You got it."
"I got it?"
She shakes her head. "I--I met this woman in the airport during a layover... She was an aid worker, just returning from from India. Nothing happened, of course, I mean, we were in an airport. We just talked until her plane arrived. She gave me her e-mail address and we went our separate ways. But... Shit, Keith, she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever met, outside and in, intelligent, energetic, young."
Keith watches her pause on that word, sees her grimace briefly before she continues.
"The more I sat alone in the airport, the more I kept thinking about it, about her and about me, about how talking to her had made me feel. I mean, she was obviously flirting with me and I liked it, probably a little too much. I even flirted back. But, anyway, I deleted her e-mail and name from my BlackBerry before I even boarded the flight to L.A., but it was already too late. I had already figured myself out. If anything had been different, anything at all, I'd have followed after her like a stupid puppy. And I knew it and it made me doubt things."
"But you didn't follow her," Keith says. "You got rid of her info. You never saw her again."
"It's true, and I even told Susan about the whole thing. She didn't seem too worried about it, said the same things you did, actually. That, and 'everyone finds people attractive sometimes. It's normal as long as you don't act on it.'"
"And, she's right, and you didn't act on it."
"Then why the hell did I suddenly become obsessed with the idea of marrying her after that?"
"I... I don't know."
"Exactly. After we had that little conversation, I thought about it for days, worked out how I could propose, the likelihood of her accepting me. I was drawing up this whole plan. Then, at that party, I finally just asked her. She wasn't expecting it at all and I think it worried her more than anything else."
Keith shifts his weight from foot to foot. "But she didn't say 'no' outright."
"No, she didn't, and maybe I should have pressed it more. Or maybe that would have just made it worse. I mean, as things are, I can keep pretending for now that we haven't broken up. I can keep hiding it from myself and my friends and the whole media circus. But, if we had had to have gotten a divorce... It would be so messy, so hard."
Keith blinks at her, suddenly wondering something.
"What?" Rachel asks, her voice low.
"It's another question that might piss you off."
"Go ahead. I'm not worried about it."
"Please don't..." Keith cocks his head. "Just cut me some slack if I'm being an asshole, okay, but you don't think she would have broken up with you if you two were married, do you?"
Rachel grins. "You're a perceptive little fucker."
"A what?" Keith laughs. "Did you really just..."
Rachel nods.
"That's not very nice of you. Also, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm far from little."
"Well now," Rachel smirks. "Is that a refer--"
"You two ran off on me!" Stephen shouts, pushing through the revolving door. He has a shopping bag tucked under his arm and a stupid grin on his face. "Not that I blame you, though. That was a little too much pink even for my iron stomach. But, speaking of which, do you two want to get something to eat now?"
"Yes," Keith answers immediately. Rachel's a touch less enthusiastic, but she masks it well, nodding vigorously as Stephen motions for them to follow him down the street.
"Nice family," Stephen idly begins. "The little girl's name was Caroline and Felicity is her first American Girl doll."
Rachel can't help but smile again. She steps up a little, dropping her arm over Stephen's shoulder and smiling back at Keith. "So, where are we going?"
"Great little place. You'll love the cocktails."
They turn the corner, chatting pleasantly as they move down the next three blocks. Keith finally steps up next to them, taking Rachel's free arm in his, and she laughs as they escort her forward, talking to her and across her about football and Obama and the inescapable health care bill. It's nice, easy. Rachel doesn't have to think too hard or about any of the things she doesn't want to think about. She can just hang comfortably between them, talking when it suits her or just listening to them talk. She swivels her head back and forth, taking in the way Keith has started to relax again and the way Stephen speeds along at her side, his stride not quite matching hers.
It can't, she guesses. Her legs are just long enough to keep them out of sync. Then, she remembers her earlier conversation with Keith about Papa and Mama Bear. At least his awkwardness about the whole thing has finally gone away, though she's now wondering whether they should say anything to Stephen about it. She had still been debating whether she should tell him or not when the alarm had gone off.
She has actually been thinking that maybe Jon would be better for talking it out. Stephen was wonderful, but sometimes his seriousness was slightly off, either too little or too much for the moment. She frowns to herself as they turn the block.
"What are you frowning about?" Stephen asks. Rachel actually feels Keith tense up a little on her arm, but she laughs.
"Jon of all people. I haven't seen him--"
"Oh, I see," Stephen teases. "You've got an attractive, intelligent man on each arm, but all you can think of is the one who isn't with you. You're a cold one, Maddow."
Rachel laughs again. "Now, Stephen... You know I love you."
"Yeah, but least of all," Stephen grunts. "I bet you even love Anderson more than you love me."
Rachel just rolls her eyes at that, looking over at Keith.
He shakes his head. "I'm staying out of this one."
Stephen puts on a scowl, making dagger eyes over at Keith. "You're just saying that because you like Anderson more, too. I'm the black sheep of the group, aren't I?"
"Come on," Rachel answers. "If anyone's the black sheep, it's me, the only member of the club who is completely lacking in the penis department."
"She does have a point," Keith snorts.
"I thought you were staying out of this," Stephen answers.
"Oh, I am."
Rachel giggles and Stephen pulls them all to a stop. "Here we are, children, and just in time. Prepare yourselves for deliciousness."
Words required: 35,007
Words achieved: 36,516
Words of today: 1,837
"Am I coming with you?" Keith asks.
"If you want."
Rachel looks briefly around for Stephen, but both he and the family with the Felicity doll have disappeared. She shrugs and then turns back toward the escalator, Keith following close behind, silent the whole way down and back through the Purple Explosion Room.
It's colder than Rachel remembered outside and she wraps her arms around her chest, adjusting the bag on her shoulder and staring out across the street.
"So, what's Samantha thinking about now?" Keith asks once they've stepped a few feet away from the door. Rachel scuffs the toes of her sneakers against the pavement as she considers Keith's question. She looks up at him and then down again, speaking at her shoes.
"She's wondering if maybe she should have become 'archived' herself when she had the chance."
"And what exactly does that mean?"
Rachel frowns, looking up again. She shifts her bag around again, though more to buy herself time than to actually alleviate any discomfort. "We could have gotten married, I guess, bit the bullet and made it into something official. Maybe it would have helped."
Keith returns Rachel's frown. He has three different questions he immediately wants to ask and he isn't sure which one he should try first. Finally, he just goes with, "Do you actually think it would have helped?"
"I don't know," Rachel answers. "It doesn't help a lot of people. Whether a marriage is open or closed or some other weird option, it still only lasts half of the time, regardless of the contract and the official rubber stamp. After enough time goes by, 'marriage' really is just a word, something to call a relationship, to try to define it in some different way. The relationship still is the real thing, though, underneath it all. That's what is actually going on, not the word."
"And it's really just a word?"
"To some people, yeah."
"But what about to you?" Keith asks. "Forget everybody else. What do you think?"
Rachel shakes her head. "I don't really know what I'm talking about. I'd like to say that marriage would have been was words on a sheet of paper, and maybe that's even what I believe. I'm not even sure why I brought it up. It's not like having everyone else's approval, having some sort of official way to describe what Susan and I had would have actually changed anything on the inside."
"But you wish it would?" Keith asks.
Rachel shrugs. "It wouldn't really matter, though, would it, no matter what I wished? And we weren't married, so what's the point?"
"I don't know." Keith almost laughs. "You're the one thinking about it, about archiving yourself."
Rachel doesn't know what to say. She drags her feet across the sidewalk again, watching the cars pass on the street.
"Did you want to get married?" Keith finally asks.
"Sometimes," Rachel answers. "Like I said, I wanted to be with her, and I wanted it to be forever, but, well, you know how I feel. I'm just... I'm really just looking for excuses, I guess, looking for things to feel guilty about."
Keith slowly nods. "Then, did she want to married?"
Rachel laughs this time. "No, not at all." She takes a breath. "Or maybe she did at one point, but by the time we were talking about it, it was already too late."
"What do you mean?" Then, he members something. His brow compacts and his mouth opens and then closes again. "Can I ask you something that may annoy you?"
"Sure," Rachel snorts. "You've never censored yourself for that reason before."
"Well, yes, but... You remember that party you had right after you got your show?"
Rachel smiles. "Yeah. That was a good party."
"It was," Keith nods. "But, I... Well, so, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop..."
Rachel raises an eyebrow.
"I came into the house at one point, looking for the bathroom, I think. You and Susan were talking on the couch about something, and she didn't seem very happy with it or interested in talking about it. She said something about 'not now' and then I realized I was being an ass and stopped listening."
Rachel sighs. "You got it."
"I got it?"
She shakes her head. "I--I met this woman in the airport during a layover... She was an aid worker, just returning from from India. Nothing happened, of course, I mean, we were in an airport. We just talked until her plane arrived. She gave me her e-mail address and we went our separate ways. But... Shit, Keith, she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever met, outside and in, intelligent, energetic, young."
Keith watches her pause on that word, sees her grimace briefly before she continues.
"The more I sat alone in the airport, the more I kept thinking about it, about her and about me, about how talking to her had made me feel. I mean, she was obviously flirting with me and I liked it, probably a little too much. I even flirted back. But, anyway, I deleted her e-mail and name from my BlackBerry before I even boarded the flight to L.A., but it was already too late. I had already figured myself out. If anything had been different, anything at all, I'd have followed after her like a stupid puppy. And I knew it and it made me doubt things."
"But you didn't follow her," Keith says. "You got rid of her info. You never saw her again."
"It's true, and I even told Susan about the whole thing. She didn't seem too worried about it, said the same things you did, actually. That, and 'everyone finds people attractive sometimes. It's normal as long as you don't act on it.'"
"And, she's right, and you didn't act on it."
"Then why the hell did I suddenly become obsessed with the idea of marrying her after that?"
"I... I don't know."
"Exactly. After we had that little conversation, I thought about it for days, worked out how I could propose, the likelihood of her accepting me. I was drawing up this whole plan. Then, at that party, I finally just asked her. She wasn't expecting it at all and I think it worried her more than anything else."
Keith shifts his weight from foot to foot. "But she didn't say 'no' outright."
"No, she didn't, and maybe I should have pressed it more. Or maybe that would have just made it worse. I mean, as things are, I can keep pretending for now that we haven't broken up. I can keep hiding it from myself and my friends and the whole media circus. But, if we had had to have gotten a divorce... It would be so messy, so hard."
Keith blinks at her, suddenly wondering something.
"What?" Rachel asks, her voice low.
"It's another question that might piss you off."
"Go ahead. I'm not worried about it."
"Please don't..." Keith cocks his head. "Just cut me some slack if I'm being an asshole, okay, but you don't think she would have broken up with you if you two were married, do you?"
Rachel grins. "You're a perceptive little fucker."
"A what?" Keith laughs. "Did you really just..."
Rachel nods.
"That's not very nice of you. Also, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm far from little."
"Well now," Rachel smirks. "Is that a refer--"
"You two ran off on me!" Stephen shouts, pushing through the revolving door. He has a shopping bag tucked under his arm and a stupid grin on his face. "Not that I blame you, though. That was a little too much pink even for my iron stomach. But, speaking of which, do you two want to get something to eat now?"
"Yes," Keith answers immediately. Rachel's a touch less enthusiastic, but she masks it well, nodding vigorously as Stephen motions for them to follow him down the street.
"Nice family," Stephen idly begins. "The little girl's name was Caroline and Felicity is her first American Girl doll."
Rachel can't help but smile again. She steps up a little, dropping her arm over Stephen's shoulder and smiling back at Keith. "So, where are we going?"
"Great little place. You'll love the cocktails."
They turn the corner, chatting pleasantly as they move down the next three blocks. Keith finally steps up next to them, taking Rachel's free arm in his, and she laughs as they escort her forward, talking to her and across her about football and Obama and the inescapable health care bill. It's nice, easy. Rachel doesn't have to think too hard or about any of the things she doesn't want to think about. She can just hang comfortably between them, talking when it suits her or just listening to them talk. She swivels her head back and forth, taking in the way Keith has started to relax again and the way Stephen speeds along at her side, his stride not quite matching hers.
It can't, she guesses. Her legs are just long enough to keep them out of sync. Then, she remembers her earlier conversation with Keith about Papa and Mama Bear. At least his awkwardness about the whole thing has finally gone away, though she's now wondering whether they should say anything to Stephen about it. She had still been debating whether she should tell him or not when the alarm had gone off.
She has actually been thinking that maybe Jon would be better for talking it out. Stephen was wonderful, but sometimes his seriousness was slightly off, either too little or too much for the moment. She frowns to herself as they turn the block.
"What are you frowning about?" Stephen asks. Rachel actually feels Keith tense up a little on her arm, but she laughs.
"Jon of all people. I haven't seen him--"
"Oh, I see," Stephen teases. "You've got an attractive, intelligent man on each arm, but all you can think of is the one who isn't with you. You're a cold one, Maddow."
Rachel laughs again. "Now, Stephen... You know I love you."
"Yeah, but least of all," Stephen grunts. "I bet you even love Anderson more than you love me."
Rachel just rolls her eyes at that, looking over at Keith.
He shakes his head. "I'm staying out of this one."
Stephen puts on a scowl, making dagger eyes over at Keith. "You're just saying that because you like Anderson more, too. I'm the black sheep of the group, aren't I?"
"Come on," Rachel answers. "If anyone's the black sheep, it's me, the only member of the club who is completely lacking in the penis department."
"She does have a point," Keith snorts.
"I thought you were staying out of this," Stephen answers.
"Oh, I am."
Rachel giggles and Stephen pulls them all to a stop. "Here we are, children, and just in time. Prepare yourselves for deliciousness."
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 12:52 am (UTC)damnit Rachel. and a shaken fist at Stephen for interrupting them
I loved seeing this happen in my head, like a movie reel
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 06:21 am (UTC)But, I'm glad it was so visual for you. Awesome :D