Day 19

Nov. 20th, 2009 03:18 am
sendthemback: Chris Matthews loves weed (Default)
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Short update is short. Rachel and Keith talk on the street. Stephen appears on the horizon.

Words required: 31,673
Words achieved: 32,823
Words of today: 677



"What do you think I want?" he asks, though he doesn't pause long enough to let her try to answer. "All I want is for you to talk to me. And I want you to talk to consistently, like a rational or, at the very least, sane person. I mean, look at what you just did, and what you've been doing..."

"I guess I really shouldn't have run into traffic," Rachel grunts.

"That's not even what I'm talking about, Rach. You're just jumping around everywhere. You're spinning out of control and I can't get a hold on you to help you stop." He looks at her, but she looks down at her shoes. "Look, for instance, you told me some incredibly personal things this morning. It took a little bit of harassment to get them out of you, but once you started opening up, I thought I'd gotten you all the way open. But then, afternoon rolled around and you would't tell me why you were looking at someone. It was just a simple question, and you made it into this great battle between us. It doesn't make any sense." He takes a breath. "Don't take it the wrong way, but you don't make any sense. It was hard enough when you were telling me things, but now it's even worse. I don't understand."

Rachel sighs. "I don't understand either, Keith. I don't make sense to myself any more. I don't know what I'm doing or why right now. It's like I don't think any more, like I can't think, and so I just act without thinking. I don't really want to, but I can't stop it."

"Why not?" Keith asks. "I mean, I see that there are things you don't want to think about, but those aren't everything."

"They are, though. Everything is just off now. It's all wrong. I feel like I hardly know myself any more, and the parts I do know, I don't like. And that's everything, everything I think about, every thing I say, everything I do..."

"You can't say you dislike everything you do. What about when you make someone laugh, when you make me laugh? Or your little moment on the train?"

"I was judging him, Keith. I was looking at him and his little group of friends and I was analyzing and generalizing. I don't usually do that. I used to be so open, and now... Plus, I was starting at someone on the subway, which is rude and dangerous."

Keith smiles just a little. "But what about the other half of my question? What about me and your friends and the people you talk to, at work and on the street? What about that?"

"I don't even know about that any more."

When Keith leans in and pulls her away from the post, Rachel jumps a little, not because he's doing it, but because she doesn't expect it. Still, after she's relaxed again, she lets him hug her, right there in the middle of the Saturday crowd. She even hugs him back. They stand together, their arms around each other and their chests and shoulders pressed together, for a good minute until he drops away.

"You're completely insane," he whispers.

"I know."

"But that's okay."

"Is it?"

"For the moment, yes." Keith shakes his head, stepping further away from her. "Now, don't think I'm letting you off the hook, but we'd better find Stephen."

"Yeah, we should."

He turns back toward their original direction. "But no more running out into the street, okay? I am not above forcing you you hold my hand."

Rachel laughs and they start to walk again. After a few steps, she reaches over, lacing her fingers with Keith's. They move together, hand in hand toward wherever Stephen is leading them.

Stephen starts waving at them the moment he sees them, even jumping up and down a little on the sidewalk, as if they'd miss him.

"Hey," he calls out as they approach. "You two on a date or something?"
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